My Ex was so…nice…when he dumped me. Why? This is not the time to be nice.
Why do people do this? If you are going to break up with someone, then surely you should be at your grumpy, awkward, bad tempered, worst.
What I do not need at this time are platitudes. If I’m that bloody marvellous then why are you leaving me?
If it’s really nothing to do with me, and it is actually you…….. then get some sodding therapy, sort it out, and we can be happy ever after again.
But that’s never really the case is it? Below are some of my amateur translations. What my Ex said and what he really meant.
- IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME – I think I can probably find someone better.
- YOU DESERVE SOMEONE BETTER THAN ME – I think I can definitely find someone better.
- MY HEAD’S ALL OVER THE PLACE AT THE MOMENT – I fancy all your friends.
- PLEASE DON’T CRY, I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY – I’m bored now and I’d quite like to go to the pub.
- WE’LL STAY BEST FRIENDS – I’m going to delete you off Facebook, Twitter, and ignore your calls.
- I LOVE YOU LIKE A SISTER –I really, really, really, really, don’t fancy you any more.
- STOP CLINGING ONTO MY ARM – Erm…stop clinging onto my arm.
But then who knows. Maybe he was completely sincere…..
Let me know if you’ve ever received any rubbish platitudes. I’ll publish the best ones.
Big love Evie XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
PS Am starting to realise the top things I hate about my Ex aren’t particularly vitriolic. Must try harder!