111124-A-RT073-015 (Photo credit: 1/25 Stryker Brigade Combat Team)

Am thinking that instead of mooning around like a love sick pony with a broken leg, I should concentrate on the things about my Ex that I genuinely hate.

Note the use of the present tense. These habits are going to stay with him for life. If I couldn’t stop him biting his toenails with his teeth, then his next girlfriend sure as hell doesn’t have a chance.

And what’s with the Xbox obsession? He’s a grown man. The shining eyes when he completed Call Of Duty? I’m a girl, I’m not impressed. Note to  my Ex – You are not a real soldier! And the carpet burn you got reaching for the Xbox controller, no, that does not count as a ‘battle scar’.

And why can he not wash up? Is he allergic to water? Frightened of detergent? Phobic of sinks?

And by the way, my bedroom carpet? IT’S A CARPET. NOT A WARDROBE.

And the constant losing things. Where’s my wallet? Cheque Book? Car Keys? I Pad? I Phone? T Shirt? Underpants?

The answer was always the same…………in that heap of your crap on my bedroom carpet!

As for romance. Lighting a candle in the living room does not make a romantic night. Not when you’ve just put boxing on the TV and ordered yourself a curry.

Slightly agitated now. Which is good. But I still miss that big pile of crap on my bedroom floor. The toenail thing? Not so much!

If you have any quirks about your Ex (or current!) that you hate please feel free to share.