Sometimes a girl just needs to vent….

Monthly Archives: May 2013

Chess bishop 1000.jpg

Checkmate to Mother on this occasion me thinks. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Does everyone have fun with their family? I don’t mean the go-karting, ski-ing, board game, variety. I mean the mess with your head, make you wonder if they even like you variety. I know my Mother means well….but….seriously…

This is pretty much how I remember it….

SCENE: MUM’S KITCHEN – EVENING

MUM:      Ahhh…

ME:           Huh?

MUM:      Ahhh…

ME:           Are you meditating?  

MUM:      I was just thinking how lovely it would be if someone liked you.

ME: (smiling)      You like me! Plenty of people like me.

MUM:      I have to like you, you’re my daughter….. No I mean it’d be nice if you had a man to look after you.

ME: (frowning)   I’m not sure I need looking after. I’m not a gerbil.

MUM:      It just worries me that no one wants to be with you.

ME:          Hang on…. where does the “no one” bit come from? Last time I checked I’d hardly been auditioning.

MUM:     That’s the problem with your generation. Too picky.

ME:          I’m not picky…Richard split up with me.

MUM:     I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about you by this age.

ME:          What’s wrong with my age?

MUM (sad face):  Ahhhh…..

ME:          But you hated Richard!

MUM:     Yes but if he was the best you were going to get then I think I miss him. Besides he was very good at fixing my car.

ME:         (Jaw dropping silence)

MUM:    Don’t stand there with your mouth open Evie. You’ll catch flies.

I tried to conjure up some feminist independent statement. But my Mum distracted me with a piece of carrot cake, so we left the conversation as it was. MUM 1 v EVIE 0.

On the plus side I’ve realised that all I need to do to keep my Mother happy is to date a mechanic. Simple!

Feel free to share any epic bits of family advice/criticism that’s been bestowed/forced your way!

Big Love,

Evie

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxx


English: Maldives Meeru island

Why am I not here? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If so I most definitely have a bad case of it. And I’m worried it may be contagious. Viral even. With a slight trace of an envious rash.

My Ex has recently been traumatising entertaining me on Facebook, with pictures of him on holiday with his new girlfriend. Yup, I know, I was supposed to delete him off Facebook weeks ago. But as we’ve already established, I have the willpower of a squirrel with a bag of nuts.

But it’s not just pictures of my Ex that cause mild vexation. According to Facebook the whole world is on holiday, drinking a cool glass of Pinot Grigio, whilst I’m stuck at work. (Admittedly I’m usually avoiding work by playing on social media sites, but still, I’m at work. It’s my location that counts. I obviously just need to explain this to my boss at some point.)

For example there’s an old friend from high school. Let’s call her Carol. She posts endless pictures on Facebook of her rather pretty Audi, and stunning villa holidays in the Maldives and Bali. (Although not at the same time, I don’t think even she earns enough to ship the car to the Indian Ocean.) She has an amazing job. And as we haven’t actually spoken in years I am convinced her life is movie star perfect.

Then there’s the endless pictures of friends’ children. Lots and lots of babies. Which makes me feel like I should have a baby. Not because I’m broody. But just because everyone else has one. And if you take too many photos of your cat…well, people think you’re mad. Which isn’t really fair when you think about it.

Plus thanks to the wonders of Instagram, people look distinctly more beautiful online. They should invent an Instagram mirror, to provide the same effect in your own home. I would buy one. I appreciate it would provide an overly flattering, and somewhat false reflection. But it would make me feel way more perky in the morning if my skin was a beautiful senna hue. Although, it would be a cheaper, and more realistic option, to see if B&Q sell light bulbs in a burnt brown colour.

I don’t think people are intentionally trying to brag. After all you can’t complain about your job on Facebook in case you get sacked. Or complain about your partner in case you get dumped. So people self censor by being terminally happy.

But according to the wonders of technology, I am constantly under achieving, under travelled, and under sun tanned.

It would be nice if they could invent a new social media site. “Ventbook” would work. Completely anonymous, personal photos banned. A grumble site. Just so whenever life isn’t going particularly your way, you can log on and realise that the rest of the world is perfectly imperfect too.

So for the rest of the day I intend to bypass Facebook for once. Instead I am going to look on holiday websites. Much more productive. My boss will be sooo pleased.

Big Love

Evie XXXXXXXXXX



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