Apparently all they need is my credit card. And my self respect. (Photo credit: acb)
So this is what is has come down to. Brass tacks. I am selling myself on the internet. Not only that but I am apparently paying for the privilege. I have spent the past two weeks umming and erring over whether or not this is:
A) A bad idea
B) A stupid idea
C) Just plain desperate
My friend Gemma however has advised me that this is my only option. Non negotiable. She has pointed out that all my friends are in relationships and my only other arena for meeting men is my work place. Which is not going to happen.
I have pointed out that I don’t need a man, and I’m perfectly capable of replacing any romantic interest with many small kittens from the local rescue centre. (My cat is now eyeballing me with the intense distrust of an only child, who plans on keeping it that way.)
But apparently I’m not allowed to stay single. I didn’t realise this but according to society, if I am single, I must have something wrong with me. This is a revelation! What is so wrong with not wanting to share your bottle of wine in an evening? Why is it not ok to spend quality time doing whatever you want to do, without compromise? Why can I not just enjoy having complete control over the TV remote? Last time I checked being single hasn’t afforded me a personality transplant. So why does my Mother keep looking at me like I’m a little lost Dodo?
I’ll admit I like to have a grumble about my Ex every now and forever, but I’ll always complain about something. It’s in my nature. If I was ever one hundred percent happy I’d probably implode, which would inevitably start the grumbling cycle again. My perfect equilibrium is low level anxiety, peppered with mild dissatisfaction and a smidgen of neurosis. I’d love to be one of those zen, calm, yoga types, but even the thought makes my eyes roll with the knowledge I’d have to become vegan and wear Lycra.
Which brings me back to the dating profile. What the hell do I write? My highly tuned female intuition senses that describing myself as a single female, low level hypochondriac, who writes a blog about hating her ex boyfriend, and who owns one cat (at present), is not going to garner the results that Gemma is expecting. I can see I am going to need to work on this a little. I have a sinking feeling I am going to have to take up kite surfing, at least on paper. Either that or I’m going to have to find a really flattering photo and cross my fingers that my Ex never ever sees my profile. Wish me luck!
Big Love Evie XXX
10 Things I hate about my Ex 
Ruth Mancini (@RuthMancini1)
Hi Evie. Nothing wrong with being single but I understand the stigma. I wrote a blog post about my experience of being single (for 7 years!) before I met my husband and why I think it’s a good idea to actively try it for a while…and makes for a better relationship if you do… It’s called How to be Happy Alone (if you’re interested).
visitingmissouri
For some really stupid reason, I have always found a girly laugh very appealing; even when written out. I was doing the interviews for new housemates in my dorms and every email looks alike. You know, people are never sloppy, they like both privacy and chatting with people, but one email stood out. It was a girl (that might have helped) and she threw in one or two hihi giggles. Win!
Sherri
Hi Evie, hope all is well! I have nominated you for a Bouquet of 3 Awards because I love your blog! Congratulations and have a great day 🙂
The link is: http://sherrimatthewsblog.com/2013/08/13/knighting-people-a-bouquet-of-3-awards/
eviejordan
Hi Sherri, Hope you’re well. I’m soooo sorry for the late reply. I’ve been mad busy recently editing a book so I haven’t been on WordPress for ages. I’m so very annoyed with myself for not even checking my account as then I could have replied to your lovely Award! Thank you so much, it is incredibly lovely of you. In fact I’ve taken so long to respond that you’ve probably published your bestselling book and are now living in Crete; having adopted a Puffin, with seventeen Grandkids at your ankles! I hope you had a magical Summer. Evie XX
Sherri
Ahh Evie, it’s no problem at all, believe me, I fully understand! I hope the editing has gone well?
Ha Ha!!! The picture your paint sounds so idyllic and I wish I could say that yes, I am infact doing all these things, but alas, the reality is very different. Still, the dreams are very much alive…
Great to have you back 🙂 xxx